It Started with Handshake
by dreams and darkness
Summary: Lets go back to the start, see how it all began. Who they used to be. How they became the people we know them to be now. AU - Spoilers for all episodes. Rating increase chapter 8
1. Chapter 1

Pairing - Charles Carson/Elsie Hughes

Rating - M/NC-17 overall

Spoilers - Series 1-5

Genre - AU angst/romance, hurt/comfort

Let's start at the end and then go back. See how it all began. Who they used to be. How they became the people we know them to be now.

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><p>Some of you will have already read the first half of this either here or on tumblr this is the complete chapter. I have no beta and this is typed on a tablet with really weird auto correct so I apologise for any mistakes.<p>

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><p>"I can't believe you would do this, that you could think even for a second that this is a good idea." the door slammed behind them causeing Mrs Hughes to jump slightly before she followed Mr Carson down the stairs to the the corridor leading to their offices.<p>

"Mr Carson, please."

"No," he turned his eyes dark filled with hurt and anger. "I don't want to talk about this, all I want," he paused his anger leaving him. "I just want you to tell me that you're not going to do this. Please tell me, you won't do this."

"I ... I'm ..." she shook her head and turned her gaze away from him, her teeth worring her bottom lip. She couldn't lie to him, couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear.

"No," he turned his anger returning just as quickly as it had upstairs. Everything they'd been through over the years this couldn't be the end he wouldn't allow it to be. "You can't do this to me"

"This isn't about you." The corridor was filling with staff, all wanting to know what had set the housekeeper and bulter against each other. "Or us," her voice was so quite so unlike the Mrs Hughes they all knew.

The force of his shout and his fist connecting with the wall caused all but Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore to flee to the safety servants dinning room.

"Charlie," Mrs Hughes' eyes moved from Mr Carson's ridged back to his hand his knuckles now red and bloody. "Charlie."

Shaking his head Mr Carson walked to his pantry slamming the the door behind him.

"Daisy," Mrs Patmore's eyes never left the housekeeper as she called for her assistant. "Fetch the first aid box then start preparing dinner." The cook shook her head, "you're leaving. Again."

Mrs Hughes looked up in shock, "how?"

"I was here all those years ago, I know what your leaving did to him last time." She took the box off a silent Daisy and held it out. "I saw you destroy him, change him and I'm seeing it again. His hand will need seeing to." She pushed the box into Mrs Hughes' hands and fixed the other woman with a dark look before turning and making her way back to kitchen. If Elsie Hughes left, again then so did she. A heart broken Charlie Carson was something she could only cope with once and she'd done her time.

Mrs Hughes tightened her grip on the box, took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders before turning toward Mr Carson's pantry.

Mr Carson looked up as Mrs Hughes walked into the room, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry." Crossing the room she knelt down in front of placing the first aid box beside his feet. "I am the one that should be sorry, I should have told you. I wasn't expcting Lady Mary tell the family before I'd seen you."

"Still the way I reacted, was unbecoming." He winged as she ran her fingers over his knuckled, "and painful."

She gave him a small smile and opened the box, the skin was broken and starting to bruise she knew he would be in pain and would struggle with his duties for the next few days. Guilt an emotion she was familiar with, particularly when it came to Mr Carson sat heavily on her shoulders, in her gut. She'd done this, hurt him again.

"I don't understand," he whispered the silence starting to grow uncomfortable. "Are you unhappy?"

"No how could I be?" She tighten the bandage around his hand, "I have you." Reaching up she brushed her fingers through his hair. "I have you, we have our bed and breakfast and Becky is getting the best care possible. How could I not be happy."

"Then why?" He lowered his head so their eyes met, he needed to understand why she would do this. "Anna is inoccent, you told me that neither of them had done anything wrong."

"They haven't." She stood and moved across the room. "Anna didn't kill Green but there is something in her past that will go against her. I can't allow that to happen, I've let so many people down in the past. This time I can help and I must."

"And what of me, am I to stand by silently while you are convicted of a crime you did not." He moved to stand beside her placing his hand on her arm. "Could not commit."

"Charlie."

Shaking his head he reached up running his thumb over her bottom lip, "Elsie. When you left all those years I let you go. I thought it was for the best, I didn't want you to leave I needed you here but you." His voice caught as he remembered how hard it had been to let her go. "I thought it was right thing for you, grief it ..." He moved his hands to her hips. "I thought it was for the best."

"It wasn't easy for me," she brought her hands up to rest on his chest.

"I know," he sighed. "You did the same with Haxby." Her fingers curled around the lapels of his jacket, she hated remembering that time. She'd been so angry with Lady Mary, Mr Carson and herself for not speaking out. "You didn't want me to leave, you told me after it was over that you wanted to ask me to stay but didnt feel you had the right. I nearly left and you would've let me. Not this time," he slipped his index finger under the collar of her dress hooking the thin gold chain she always wore hidden out from view.

Looking down she watched as the simple gold ring she knew so well rested on the palm of his hand. Her heart clenched she loved that ring so much, had done since the day he slipped it on to her finger. Nothing could change that, she would never get rid it, all the jewels in the world couldn't mean more to her.

"Not this time," he closed his hand around the ring and lowed his head so their foreheads where touching. "I'm asking you," his voice was low but commanding. "As your husband, I am asking you not to leave me. Please Elsie don't do this."

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><p>Please leave a review if you have the time, thanks for reading.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

I forgot to point out this is set before the Xmas special - it's using the information we learnt about Elsie and Anna but the things that happened. Bates on the run, Christmas and the proposal haven't happened. All will become clear as the I post more chapters.

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><p>Yes there is time line scew ups and changes to cannon but if the powers that be can do it so can I!<p>

***** Doctor Who/X Files. ... Time travel music ... Lets go back to 1885 ******

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><p>The laughter around the table the table came to a sudden stop as the butler stepped into the room, with a raised eyebrow from him everyone in the room stood up.<p>

"This," he looked over his shouler. "Is Charlie Carson our new second footman. Charlie worked at Downton a few years ago as a hall boy so he knows the house, the grounds and the family. I'll allow you all to introduce yourself. Good luck Charlie," With a small nod the butler turned and walked away.

Charlie cleared his throat and looked around the room, his gaze lingering on two woman stood closely together, the shorter red head worked in the kitchen he could tell that from the uniform she wore. The other he assumed was a housemaid but it was her eyes that drew him to her. Such an intense blue, it took his breath away and he couldn't stop his eyes from drifting over the rest of her taking in her curves.

An irritated cough cauaed him to jump and he knew his cheeks would be turning red.

"Richard, first footman." Charlie shook the hand that was waving about in front of him. "You better know how to do this job I don't have time to train you," Richard sneered at the newcomer he'd worked hard to become first footman he wasn't giving it up for anyone. "What happened, why did you leave why did you come back?"

"Richard stop it," the sharp Scottish accent caused Charlie's stomach to flip. "That is none of your business. I'm sure you have work thats needs doing I know I do." With a final glare at Charlie, Richard left the room muttering under his breath.

"Ignore him, everyone else does. Beryl Patmore assistant cook," she rolled her eyes at the snort from the woman beside her. "Kitchen maid."

Grinning Charlie shook Beryl's hand. "Beryl!" Rolling her eyes again at the booming voice coming from the kitchen Beryl turned and hurried to the kitchen.

"Hello," Charlie took the offered hand his laughter dying at the feel of her skin. "Elsie Hughes, housemaid."

"He ... Hel ... Hell," he dropped her hand and took a step back mentally berating himself for stuttering. "Sorry," he took a deep breath. "Thank you for earlier." He tried to keep his voice steady.

"It's ok, Beryl is right just ignore Richard." She smiled gently, "see you at dinner." He nodded and watched her walk away.

Sighing Charlie rested his hands on the back of a chair, he hadn't stuttered since he was a boy. Why had been so shaken by a simple handshake, he had never reacted in such a way because of a woman. Not even Alice.

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><p>Looking up from her stew Elsie watched as the new footman nervously pulled apart a slice of bread, there was something about him something that kept drawing her eyes to him. He seemed so unsure of himself, he'd stuttered over his words earlier but the way he stood how he wore his livery it showed such presence. Sighing to herself she looked back down to her bowl, she was here to work to make a better life for herself. To ensure that her sister was always well cared for. She couldn't afford to be distracted by anything or anyone no matter how handsome he was.<p>

Charlie put his spoon down and looked around the table careful not to stare to long at Elsie. One encounter, a short conversation and he was already at risk of losing his heart, his mind. She was beautiful that fact as clear to everyone, she appeared to kind and funny but he didnt know her yet. More importantly she didn't know him, his past. She would not be as kind once she knew the truth about him and not telling her wasn't an option, he knew that much about her already.

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><p>"Elsie, is everything ok?"<p>

She jumped at the sudden sound of his voice, the voice she'd been dreaming about all night. "It is, yes. Thankyou."

"You're awake early."

"As are you." She turned her head looking up at him, wondering how she had not noticed his hight the day before. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," he gave her a small smile and sat down beside her. It was still early only the kitchen staff where awake and working. "I feel strange being back here in Downton, I'm doubting my decision."

"To come back?"

"To leave, I was foolish made a decision in haste. I should never have left."

"So why ..." She cut herself off and looked away from him. "I'm sorry, its none of my business I told Richard off for doing exactly what I've just done."

"Elsie," he reached out and carefully placed his hand on her arm. "It's ok, maybe one day I'll tell you. Everything."

"I'd like that." A shy smile played across her lips, a smile he couldn't help but match. "Maybe one day I'll tell you my story as well."

"I do hope so." At the sound of footsteps he removed his hand and stood up. "I look forward to it."


	3. Chapter 3

Joe Burns Part one (part two will of course happen when I get to 01x04)

This chapter was difficult to write because for the story to work I needed to change what is one of my favourite scenes. I hope it's worked and I haven't ruined it completely.

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><p>Standing at the entrance to the servant's dinning hall Charlie frowned at the look on Elsie's face, he'd been back at Downton for almost a month and in that time he and the housemaid had friendship. One that he was starting to rely on, he still hadn't confided in her about his past and she hadn't asked again something he was grateful for but he knew the time was coming. Right now though his concerns lay with her, she looked upset about something and he assumed the crumbled letter in her hand was the cause.<p>

"Elsie," she looked up giving him a small smile. "What is it?"

"I received a letter off an old friend," she tapped her fingers against the folded paper. "Joe Burns, we were. Are," she trailed off keeping her eyes on the table not understanding why it was so difficult to tell Charlie about Joe. Since he'd been back at Downton she'd found herself able to tell the footman most things. She didn't speak of her sister but nobody knew about Becky, she had told him about her childhood and the death of her father which was more than she'd told anyone else. So why was this so hard, her decision had already been made Charlie's opinion wouldn't change that.

"Elsie," crossing the room he sat down beside her. "Whatever it is, I'm on your side."

She looked up quicky their eyes meeting, nobody had ever said that to her. Nobody had ever been on her side. Seeing the look of shock on her face Charlie turned his head away, he'd overstepped offended her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered keeping his gaze on the table.

"No it's," she worried her bottom lip. "It's ok. Thank you for that."

Turning back he smiled his eyes soft, "well?"

"Joe Burns, before I came here we were walking out." Charlie couldn't help feeling uncomfortable they'd never spoken about this. About relationships, love. "He's a farmer and I know that life."

"Of course you were a farmer's daughter." They shared a quick smile.

"Yes," her smile faded and she looked back down to the letter curling the corner with her fingers. "He's a nice man, he really is." She paused her teeth once again biting her lip, "he asked me to marry him."

Charlie felt his heart clench and he sank back against his chair something he would never usually do but he felt lost. Fearful. Elsie was his closest friend, his only friend really. Richard was wary of him convinced he had his eye on the first footman position and Beryl was too loud for him to spend a lot of time with. Not that they had a lot of spare time but any he did have he spent with Elsie, what would he do without her. He had other feelings about her as well, of course but he couldn't acknowledge them. Wouldn't, it was too soon. Too soon after Alice, too soon after his return. He swallowed, he might never get a chance now. She would become just another regret.

Clearing his throat he sat up wishing he was standing so he tug his livery, his own nervous habit. "You said yes?"

"I wanted to but I'm doing well here, I dont want to be a farmer's wife."

"But you do want to be someone's wife?" The words fell from his mouth before he'd realised. "I ... um ... I apologise, that was a very intrusive question that I had no right. No right what so ever to ask."

"Charlie," her voice was soft almost amused. "It's ok. I do, one day want to get married just not to a farmer. I left that life behind, I'm not that person anymore."

"Life has changed you," she nodded. "Like it's changed me."

"Yes," she reached out squeezing his arm allowing her hand to linger. "Thank you. For listening."

"We're friends, are we not?"

"We are Charlie, we are." Standing she picked up the letter, Joe was her past, life on a farm was her past. She wasn't sure what her future held, she didn't want to think about it. Not yet it was too soon, too many people relied on her to keep working that's what she needed to think about right now. "Good night."

"Good night," he stood and watched her walk away a small smile playing on his lips. She was staying, there was still hope when he was ready. If he was ever ready.

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><p>Please review if you can - thanks.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Folding her arms around herself Elsie took a deep breath taking in the scent of Christmas that seemed to fill every part of the house. It was the only time she ever felt really home sick, she missed Becky most of all seeing Christmas through her eyes, the excitement, the joy. She closed her eyes briefly against the pain, she had work to do there was no time for sentimentality, not even today.

Something was wrong, he didnt know what he just knew something was wrong. He'd been watching Elsie since the beginning of December and each day they got closer to Christmas the further she pulled away from everyone. Her work was of course done as always to the highest standards but her smile as smaller and her eyes held no sparkle. Charlie didn't know what was causing it or how to fix it but he didnt like it.

Walking into the kitchen Charlie quickly looked around, it was early enough in the morning that only Beryl and the kitchen maid were up and about. He wanted to ask Beryl about Elsie, they seemed close the kitchen assistant was the only other person he'd seen Elsie spend any time with. He just didn't know how, he didn't want Beryl to get an ideas about his and Elsie's relationship but he wanted to understand, to help. He needed to.

"You're a bit early for breakfast." Beryl rolled her eyes at the look of confusion on Charlie's face. "Was there something I could help you with?"

"No. Yes, its just." He tugged at the front of his livery. "It's Elsie."

"Still be in bed if she has any sense, she's got another half hour before I go up to start knocking."

"No. I didn't mean," at Beryl's raised eyebrow he cleared his throat and straightened his back standing taller. "Is there something wrong? I've noticed a change in her, does she not like Christmas?"

"You'll have to ask her that, maybe she won't bite your head off." Charlie frowned at that, Elsie never lost her temper was always kind with even the most annoying of hall boys. "I asked her our first Christmas here, we started the same week you know?" He nodded remembering Elsie telling him. "Never seen her lose her temper like that before or since, she really wasn't pleased with me." With a sad smile she turned back to the stove and Charlie took that as his dismissal. Sighing he walked through to the dinning hall, that hadn't given any answers.

"You look deep in thought," he jumped and looked up at the sudden voice. "Sorry, I didnt mean to make you jump."

He shook his head, grateful for the smile his shock had caused. "That's ok, I was deep in thought. Worry."

"Worry?" Frowning Elsie sat down, "can I help?"

"Tell me what's wrong." Elsie's frown deepened. "You seem so sad, I want to help but I don't know how." He lowered his voice. "You can tell me anything, you do know that." It was hypocritical he knew asking her to share her secrets when he wouldn't share his own.

"Nothing is wrong." She instantly regretted her sharp tone when his face fell. "Sorry, Christmas is hard being so far away from home." It wasn't a lie, just not the whole truth. "It's difficult," he nodded waiting for her to continue. "I should get to work."

"You haven't had any breakfast," he stood as she did.

"I'm no longer hungry."

"And now I've upset you," he felt guilty he'd only wanted to help, to make her smile.

"You haven't, really I just don't wish to talk about this." He found himself reaching out, the pain in her voice was too much to ignore. "Charlie," she looked down at his fingers wrapped around her wrist. A hand resting on an arm and a handshake on his first day was most physical contact they'd had, she wondered if he could feel her pulse racing against his finger tips. "Please."

"I won't mention it again, just sit down have breakfast. Please. Its Christmas Eve, we're all going to be so busy. You need to eat."

She nodded and moved to sit down his hand slipping away from her as she did. He swallowed, his finger tips tingling. He shouldn't have touched her, he'd learnt that on his first day the feel of her cool skin against his own was too much. Made his heart and mind race.

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><p>"Happy New Year."<p>

Elsie couldn't help laughing at the wary look Charlie wore, he'd been so patient with her, not pushing to find out what was wrong even though she knew it upset him. She still couldn't bring herself to tell him, scared that he would judge that his reaction would disappoint her.

"It's ok Charlie, I like New Year. Its different but I do enjoy it."

"Good," he smiled. "I'm glad and I'm ..."

"Please," she cut him. "Don't apologise again, let's just enjoy our New Year."

"Even if it is different," he joined in her laughter and moved closer not catching the smile that Beryl wore.

The room started to fill up as it grew closer to midnight and Chalrie found himself stood in the corner with Elsie and a few of the hall boys and youngest maids who where excited to be included.

"I remember my first year celebrating New Year as a hall boy," Elsie looked up at him, her heart skipping slightly at his contented smile. "Being allowed a small drink, not being set to bed as soon as my chores where done. It was magical," he turned his head his smile changing as their eyes met. "It's still magical, so much better than last year." He shook his head at her questioning look grateful when she gave a small nod accepting now wasnt the time.

Their eyes stayed locked as the butler started the count down and a cheer sounded around the room.

"Happy New Year."

He lowered his head pressing his lips lightly against her. "Happy New Year," he whispered and stepped back.

Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath, it had been a chaste almost innocent kiss but the affect on her was something she'd never felt before. Charlie Carson was something different, something special and that terrified her.

Standing in the yard Charlie covered his face with hands, what had he done? Why did he think kissing her was a good idea? Not only was in frowned upon for servants to have romantic relationships but he wasn't ready for that. Not with anyone but especially not Elsie, he couldn't touch the skin on her wrist without losing all logical thought. Kissing her, kissing her was a really bad idea because now he wanted to do it again and how could he look her in the eye and be her friend when he wanted so much more from her.

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><p>Thank you for reading and to everyone who has reviewd<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Folding and refolding the faded play bill, Charlie stood up and paced the length of his tiny bedroom grateful that he currently had a room to himself. The family having decided against a third footman. He needed to think, his thoughts were so conflicted. He'd loved Alice, wanted to marry her until Grigg has destroyed that but his feelings for Elsie seemed so much stronger. So real. In the three months since New Year neither had mentioned their kiss. If it could even be called a kiss, a brush of lips was hardly heart stopping passion but effect was the same. At least for him. Groaning he sank back onto the bed and buried his face in his hands, he didn't know how she felt and even if she did feel something would she still once she knew who he really was. Picking up the play bill again he placed it on the small bedside table and lay down on top of the covers knowing sleep wouldn't be easily found.

Stirring Charlie's tea Elsie pushed it across the table, it was a habit that they had fallen into over the last few weeks. She would make his tea at breakfast and lunch and he would pore her wine and water. She liked it, their routine. They walked side by side to church, spent any spare time they had together and talked about almost everything. She held back a lot of things and she knew he was as well. She wanted know everything about him but she couldn't ask, it wasn't fair.

"I was wondering," she looked up giving him an encouraging smile. "If we could find some time later. I'd like to talk to you about something." If was time, he wanted her to know the truth whatever the outcome.

"Of course, after dinner?" He nodded before finishing his drink and leaving the table.

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><p>Standing in yard Charlie could help but think back to New Years Eve, nothing had changed between them. They'd fallen into a nice routine and had grown closer but they where still just friends nothing more. He didn't know if he wanted them to be anything more not really, he didn't know how to be something different to anyone. He'd done something wrong with Alice, he must have. A sweet girl like Alice wouldn't have chosen Grigg if he hadn't done something wrong. He tugged at his livery one, then a second time and twice more before a gentle hand on his arm pulled him from his thoughts.<p>

"Whatever it is, it can not be that bad Charlie."

"It might be," looking down into trusting blue eyes he felt his anxiety rise. "I don't want you to change your opinion of me. I don't want you to distrust me, or dislike me."

"Charlie," she frowned. "I think you must tell me now."

"Yes, yes. You're right of course." He cleared his throat. "Elsie." He lifted his hand to touch her cheek but pulled back at the last moment and stepped back. "When I left Downton. I'd decided I didn't want a life in service like my parents, my grandparents I wanted something different, exciting." Elsie frowned slightly at that Charlie didn't seem like the excitement type. "I end up on the stage, dance halls."

"The stage?" The surprise was evident in her voice and it made Charlie want to take his words back to stop talking. "Go on, please. You've already started you may as well tell me the rest."

"I'm sorry this is hard for me." Reaching into his pocket he handed her the play bill, it was the quickest and easiest way.

With a quirk of her eyebrows she unfolded the paper, "the cheerful Charlies?"

"We used to sing and dance do little acts."

"You can dance?" He smiled at the look of wonder in her eyes.

"And juggle."

She laughed, an amused but not judgement sound. "Why would this change anything?"

"It's not very dignified or becoming, it was frivolous a way to boost my ego."

"Well I think its wonderful, you'll have to juggle for me one day." She handed him the play bill. "Why did you leave?"

"Charlie, Grigg was a thief. He was caught more than once but managed to charm his way out of it. I couldn't work with him after that and I wasn't good enough to be a solo act. So I came back here."

"That just goes to show, you are a man of great integrity and honour. But I am very glad you came back."

"So am I." He smiled, "you won't. ..."

"Tell anyone? No of course not this is your secret Charlie not mine, thank you for trusting me."

"You are the only could tell, the only person I could, would ever trust with this." He hadn't told her about Alice but it wasn't something Elsie needed to know. Maybe one day he would tell her but now he was happy she still respected him, still liked him.

Elsie knew it was the perfect opportunity to tell him about Becky but his believe that a life on stage was so undignified left her even more scared than before. She liked Charlie thought very highly of him and his opinion and if his reaction was poor it would break her heart. She couldn't tell him now, maybe never.


	6. Chapter 6

With a shy smile Charlie reached out and ran his index finger down the side of Elsie hand. It felt silly to be so unsure and shy over such an innocent touch, he'd kissed her touched her wrist her arm. But this was different, she knew who he was now and was still here by his side. Being his friend. He wanted more he wanted to court her, he just didn't know how to make that transition. He didn't know if she wanted more, there were moments when he was sure completely sure she felt the same. The way she smiled at him or held his gaze but sometimes he was convinced it was all in his imagination. Why would someone like Elsie want to be with him, she was so beautiful and so lovely she could be with anyone.

"Charlie," her soft voice pulled him from his thoughts. "Are you ok?"

"Yes," he watched as her little finger curled under his thumb. 'Will you go to the dance with me?"

"Of course I'll go with you." He looked up quickly his smile matching hers. "I thought you'd never ask."

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"Wol ... will y... would ..." he cleared his throat. He was stuttering again and he hated it. His father used to say it was a sign of not knowing what you wanted to say and if you didn't know what you wanted to say you should say nothing. But he knew what he wanted to say he just didn't know how.

"Shall we dance?" He gave her a grateful smile, she'd saved him again. Since his first day Elsie had been saving him, every time he started to struggle with what he wanted to say she would jump in and help guide him. But never in a condescending way, always gently. Lovingly. His smile grew at that thought and he stood offering his hand.

"Thank you."

"Whatever for?" She tensed slightly when his hand came to rest on her waist.

"Saving me, stopping me from making a complete fool of myself." He ran his thumb over hers marveling in the way their hands fit together. "Is this ok?"

"Yes," her fingers brushed through his hair as she rested her hand on his shoulder. "And I don't think you could ever make a fool of yourself Charlie but I'm glad I can help."

"You'd be surprised." He tightened his grip on her waist as they danced in silence both lost in their thoughts of each other.

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As they walked back to the house Charlie reached out taking Elsie's hand in his own, his insecurities were once again invading his thoughts. It wasn't fair he knew it wasn't to compare the woman next to him to Alice but he couldn't help. Alice was his only experience of romance, he knew about Elsie's past with Joe but he didn't know if they'd been anyone else and he didn't know how to ask or even if he had the right to. He also knew there was something she wasn't telling him, something big that she was worried about.

Feeling her slow down Charlie looked up realising they where getting closer to the house, they'd have to let go of each other soon. Stopping he turned and pulled her closer.

"Charlie?" She frowned in confusion, they needed to get back the other servants would already be in the house curfew was only minutes away.

"Does this ... I mean, are we ..." he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Does this mean you are my girl Elsie Hughes?"

Her smile took his breath away, "I thought I was already your girl." She laughed at the shocked look on his face and stood up on her tiptoes using his hand as balance and pressed a gentle kiss against his lips.

"Thank you," he whispered before dipping his head and claiming her lips in a longer kiss.

Stepping back breathless Elsie tugged his hand, "come on we must get back." He nodded and squeezed her hand before letting go and heading back toward the house. He felt that they should talk about what this meant but he also knew he wasn't good with words and he didn't want to say the wrong thing.

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Pulling the cover up over her shoulder Elsie buried her face in her pillow, she wanted to be happy. She was happy but her secret could destroy them. She would have to tell him now, she knew the type of man Charlie Carson was and where this would lead. She had to tell him about Becky before it got that far but she wanted to enjoy the moment, have fun, be happy. Sighing she rolled onto her back, it was so unfair everything was so unfair. Bringing her fingers to her lips she smiled at the memory of his kiss, she would tell him just not yet. It was probably the wrong thing to do and he might even hate her for keeping this from him but she'd lose him anyway once he knew the truth and didn't she deserve a little happiness.

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><p>Thank you again for the reviews - I know somethings seem a little repetitive but peoples thoughts are often like this they will start to move forward in the next few chapters.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Don't be too angry with Charlie read to end first!

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><p>"First footman," smiling Elsie reached up and straightened Charlie's tie. "I didn't think Richard would ever leave I thought he was aiming for butler."<p>

"So did I and certainly didn't think he'd leave to work in a shop." He tugged on his livery smiling when her hands coverd his. He was wearing the same clothes as yesterday but the new title made him feel different, braver. Slipping his fingers through hers, he pulled her closer and dipped his head kissing her deeply.

"Charlie," worrying her bottom lip she looked up and down the corridor glad they where alone. Everyone knew about them, their relationship wasn't a secret it was just something nobody spoke of.

"Marry me," her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "Will you marry me Elsie?"

"I ..." he wasn't suppose to ask her yet. She needed more time, she wanted more time before it all fell apart.

"Oh," he let go of her hands and stepped back taking her silence as his answer. He loved her had thought she loved him. It had been a year since the dance and they'd been happy or he thought they'd been happy, he had. Closing his eyes he cursed to himself, he'd done it again. Opened his heart and had it broken, he'd let go of his insecurities and assumed that Elsie was different that she wouldn't do this to him.

"No Charlie," she reached out flinching when he pulled his arm away. "It's not that I don't want to marry you. I do, very much. I love you." It was the first time she'd uttered those words aloud, she'd imagined it many time but never like this.

"You just won't." The broken tone of his voice made her stomach drop.

"I won't because I can't."

He shook his head confused, "I don't understand."

"Surely you have work to do Elsie?" They both jumped at the commanding voice of the housekeeper.

"I do yes, I'm sorry." Looking from the housekeeper to Charlie, Elsie lowered her voice. "I'm sorry." Watching her go Charlie curled his hands into fists, he needed to understand what was going on.

###

Stepping into the yard Elsie closed the door quietly behind her. "I thought I'd find you out here." They spent most of their free time in the yard or walking the grounds trying to find some privicy. "I'm sorry Charlie."

Looking up from his makeshift seat on the old crates he pressed his lips together trying to hold in his emotions. He wanted to cry, to scream and shout. "Why can't you marry me?"

"I have a sister, a younger sister."

"You've never told me that."

"No," she crossed the yard to stand in front of him. "Becky, when she was born." She licked her lips. "She's not right in the head." His shoulders sank at that, realising this was her secret the one that upset her at Christmas and worried her so much. "Right now my mother cares for her, but when she dies ..." She trailed off not wanting to think of her mother's death.

"They'll only be you." He kept his tone even and gentle wanting to encourage her to continue.

"Yes. If I marry you, I'll have to leave service and have no money of my own. I wouldn't be able to pay for someone to care for Becky she'd have to come live with us or you as my husband would have to pay for her care."

"And that would cost a fortune."

"Exactly and it wouldn't be fair, on you, on Becky on our children."

He interrupted, "children?"

"Of course," she smiled for the first time all afternoon. "You'd come to resent it, either Becky living in our home or all your money going to pay for my sister. So you see I can't marry you." She reached out to touch him but changed her mind when she saw the pain in his eyes and dropped her hand heavily to her side. "I'm sorry I should have told you before ..."

"Before we started courting." He stood his mind swimming.

"Before I fell in love with you." He turned his head away, he couldn't look at her it hurt him and confused him in equal measure. Of all the things he'd thought her secret could be a sister that would need to be cared for hadn't even crossed his mind. "Charlie, please."

"I can't Elsie I just can't." Tugging his livery he turned and walked back to the house, he needed to think and he couldn't do that near her.

As the door slammed the strength went from Elsie's knees and she sank to the floor her tears coming quickly. She'd known this would happen but a small part of her had hoped, wished that Charlie had wrapped her in his arms and said it would all be ok.

###

Charlie sat on the edge of his bed and ran his fingers through his hair, why hadn't she told him. Why had she allowed him to fall in love, to believe that they had a future when she knew they didn't. Dropping his hands he blinked. He was an idiot, she loved him. She loved him, wanted to marry him have his children. He stood quickly, then sat back down. It was one in the morning he couldn't speak to her now, he couldn't speak to anyone now. He needed to think, he needed a plan. Elsie Hughes was going to be his wife he just needed to convince her that everything would be ok. He needed to make everything ok.

###

"Can we talk later?" Elsie looked up in shock, it had been two days since she'd told him about Becky and they'd barley spoken. She still made his tea and he still poured her wine but they'd only spoken about the house.

"Ok, the yard after dinner?"

"Yes." He smiled, "Elsie." He held her gaze until she returned his smile. It wasn't the smile he normally received from her but it was enough to give him some hope. Maybe he hadn't ruined things, his plan had taken longer than he had hoped but it was all in place he just needed Elsie to agree.

Taking a deep breath Charlie crossed the yard and placed his hand on Elsie's arm turning her to face him. "I love you."

She smiled, "I love you."

"If I told you that you could stay in service, that you could continue to work here at Downton if we where to marry. Would you say yes?"

"I don't understand, how is it possible?"

"I've spoken to her ladyship," Elsie's eyebrows rose in surprise. Lady Violet was not the easiest person to talk to about anything but especially personal matters and Charlie still stuttered when he became flustered. "She's agreed we can marry and you can continue to work. We can have a cottage. ..." He trailed off needing her to say something, anything.

"Really?" He nodded, "but if we have children."

"When we have children." He paused, "you will have to leave service them. But we will manage Elsie. We will do whatever is best for all us. You, me, our children and Becky. I don't know how because I don't know what will happen. But we will manage Elsie I promise you we ..." She cut him off with kiss.

"Do you mean it?" He nodded. "Then yes, of course I'll marry you."

Laughing he wrapped his arms around her and picked her off the floor kissing her deeply. "I'm sorry ..."

Shaking her head she cut him off. "I'm sorry I should have told you."

"I know why you didn't." Making sure she was steady on her feet he brushed a loose hair behind her ear. "You were scared of how I would react. And I reacted exactly like you were afraid I would. I'm sorry."

"No more apologies, it doesn't matter. Not anymore."

"No, you're going to Mrs Carson."

"I am." He laughed again, he didn't know if he'd ever stop smiling.

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><p>Thanks for reading and for the reviews, reblogs and likes!<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

I haven't written the wedding for two reasons, one - there are so many amazing wedding stories out there I didn't think I could do it justice. Two - you'll have noticed by now that this story only has Charles and Elsie in it ... ok a bit of Mrs Patmore and Richard (but he's gone now) even the butler and housekeeper don't have names. And for the moment I want to keep it that way, this is Charlie and Elsie's story/history. Other characters will appear later (once I get to 1895)

I'm truly not sure about this chapter, when I've written in the past any smut the couple have always been experienced and it's often a case of ripping clothes off and getting down to business and I always write it a little cruder which just didn't seem to fit these two in this situation. Writing a couples first time was some what daunting and I don't know if I've done it justice - but hey ho!

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><p>Biting her lip Elsie looked around the cottage, her cottage. Their cottage. She was married, she was Elsie Carson. Turning she watched as her husband walked into the room, her husband. She was married, she was Elsie Carson. She breath caught in her throat and she pressed her hand to chest.<p>

"Elsie?"

She blinked, "I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed." They'd had a long engagement the death of the Earl and a house in mourning had slowed down their plans, more than once she'd been convinced something would happen to destroy their happiness. A new Lord and Lady Grantham that could've gone against the now Dowager's promise, fired them both, left them with nothing. Thankfully that didn't happen and here they where. Mr and Mrs Carson.

"So am I," he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. "Do you want some tea?"

"No. Thank you." She took a deep breath. "I want to go to bed."

He swallowed, "of course. It's late." They'd gone back to work straight after the wedding something they'd both being happy to do, time off was something they couldn't afford.

"Charlie," she kissed the underside of his chin. "I'm not tired."

"Elsie." He inhaled deeply through his nose taking in the scent of her light perfume. Their long engagement had been problematic at times, with each day that passed he found himself struggling with his need for her. Their kisses had become more and more passionate, their hands would stray and they would find themselves breathless. With only a cold yard and no really privacy they'd never gone too far, something he was grateful for he didn't want their first time to be rushed. He didn't want his first time to be rushed. "Elsie I've never done this before."

She stepped back, "neither have I Charlie we'll learn together."

"Ive ..." he lowered his gaze. "I've heard it can hurt. I don't want to hurt you."

"But you do want to make love." He nodded, "then it'll be ok." Taking hold of his hand she walked backwards out of room pulling him with her.

###

Charlie's hands shook as he started to unbutton his shirt, he wanted this. He wanted his wife so much and he'd never been so scared. Night after night he used to perform on stage, sing, dance, juggle and he never felt nerves like his. He knew Elsie loved him, no matter what happen here, now. Between them she would still love him. He just didn't want to be a disappointment or to hurt her. He never wanted to hurt her.

Elsie pulled the the pins from her hair watching as her husband slowly removed his clothes, she'd never get tired of thinking of Charles Carson as her husband. She'd heard stories about what was to happen between them, her mother had told her to expect pain but that she would enjoy it as well. She'd been too embarrassed to ask more then but now stood here stripping in front of her husband she wished she had.

Standing in only her shift, wishing she was thinner, taller Elsie wrapped her arms around her chest allowing her eyes to move over her husband. He was so tall and borad, so handsom. And he was hers.

Crossing his hands over the growing bulge in his shorts Charlie's gaze moved over the length of his wife's body from her delicate toes to her beautiful face linguring on her chest. She was so perfect, so utterly perfect. And she was all his.

They moved to the bed neither daring to touch the other, it was silly really they where married. What was about to happen between them wasn't wrong. Sitting down Elsie slid across the bed and reached out, "Charlie."

Taking her offered hand Charlie climbed onto the bed lying beside her, leaning in he kissed her slowly enjoying the feel of her bare feet against his legs. Their kiss deepened and his hand moved over her ribs to her hip. She felt so different without the layers of clothes she wore everyday. His hand slipped lower and they both jumped as he found the naked skin of her thigh. He rolled closer pressing their bodies together as he kissed her neck. Elsie's hands moved over his chest and across his side to his back pulling him closer, wanting more.

Their kissed and touches grew bolder and the rest of their clothing was removed tossed haphazardly across the room. The first contact between his chest and breasts without the barriers of clothes caused her to gasp, a sound that made Charlie pull away his nerves once again taking over. "I don't know if I can do this."

Looking down between them Elsie raised an eyebrow, "I think you can."

"I don't mean that."

She grabbed his hand stopping him from covering his arousal. "I know." She was going to have to take charge, as scared as she was Charlie was terrified. She knew it was a risky move she could end up scaring him right off the bed but she needed him. Now. Her core was throbbing with want, desire. For him, her husband.

He gasped as she reached down wrapping her fingers around his length, "Elsie." He knew how sensitive he was to his own touch hers was driving him wild. "God. Elsie."

Letting go she shifted further onto her back, placing one hand on the back of his neck she pulled him down into a passionate kiss. Once he started to relax she moved her other hand to his hip and guided him to moved over her so he was lying between her legs.

Lifting his head he looked down, she was beautiful. All of her, "are you sure." At her nod he moved his hips forward slowly entering her.

She bit her bottom lip, not wanting to cry out. Not wanting him to stop. It was painful as she felt herself stretching to accommodate him, but his lips on her shoulder and the noises of pleasure he was making took her mind elsewhere.

It felt wonderful, he finally understood what the men he performed with where talking about, bragging about. He wanted to move his hips, he wanted to know if it felt as good for her. He kissed a up her neck and over her jaw to her lips. "Elsie."

"Please." Her whispered plea was all he needed. It was instinct the way his hips moved and how hers raised from the bed to meet his every thrust. He called out first as he lost control his head falling to her shoulder. Her fingers gripped his back tightly as pleasure washed over her, it felt so different with him here. With her, in her rather than just her imagination late at night in her lonely bed. It was amazing, she would be sore tomorrow she knew that but right now she didn't care.

Pushing off her Charlie fell onto his side, kissing her neck, her cheek, her ear any part of her that he could reach. "I love you."

Rolling over she smiled. "I love you," she raised her hand to his cheek her fingers curling in his hair and her thumb brushing over his ear. "Are you ok?"

"I am, are you?" She nodded her eyes growing heavy as the excitement of the day caught up with her.

They shifted on the bed and managed to pull the covers over them, neither bothered with night clothes but too tired and neither wanting to let go of the other long enough to get dressed. Resting his head ag

ainst hers, he closed his eyes sleep claiming them both quickly as they lay together arms and legs intertwined.


End file.
